Dealing with Unsupportive Family and Friends During Adoption [Helpful Tips]

Adoption is Your Decision to Make  

Choosing to place your child for adoption is always your decision to make — even if your family or friends don’t understand your choice. You can find support and helpful resources from trusted professionals.  

  • You are always in control of your adoption decision.  
  • There is support and resources for birth mothers when friends and family don’t support adoption.  
  • Financial assistance, and even housing, may be available when you choose adoption.  

Here, you’ll find helpful tips on talking about your adoption decision with family and friends and learn that you can still choose adoption for your child when they don’t support your decision.  

You can also connect with a professional today to get information on what to do when your parents don’t agree with your adoption decision by filling out this online form.  

Until then, here’s what to know about choosing adoption when dealing with unsupportive family and friends.  

My Family Doesn’t Support My Adoption Decision  

This can be a difficult situation. When experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and deciding to place your child for adoption, you want the support of the important people in your life. But, what do you do when your parents are unsupportive of your adoption decision?  

First, the most important thing to know is no matter what, the choice of adoption is your decision to make, regardless of whether your family agrees with it.  

You are always in complete control of your adoption decision, and no one can pressure you to choose an alternative pregnancy option.  

Second, it’s not uncommon for women to receive push-back from family and friends when choosing adoption. You aren’t alone in feeling like you lack the support you need. Thankfully you’ll find adoption support and resources as you continue reading.  

You can also get support and find out what adoption resources are available to you by reaching out to an adoption professional today.   

Tips for Talking to Your Family about Choosing Adoption  

In many cases, unsupportive parents and family members lack the proper education on what adoption is. Instead, they are concerned about you and don’t understand that you’re making a decision that creates a better future for you and your child.  

In the past, adoption carried a stigma. More recently, adoption is understood as a decision based on love, wanting the best for a child and is generally viewed positively.  

So, how can you educate your parents on the many benefits of adoption?  

Step 1: Explain That You’re In Charge  

Some of the concerns coming from your parents may stem from misunderstanding how the adoption process works. They may think of it as “giving up” your baby, but the truth is that you are in complete control of your adoption plan.  

Tell them about the decisions you get to make, such as:  

  • Hand-picking the adoptive family – Let your family members know that you get to choose the adoptive family based on your preferences and what identifiable traits you feel are important for your child.  
  • Deciding on the level of openness in your adoption – Because you are in charge of your adoption, you get to choose how much contact you have with the adoptive family. If your family is concerned about your privacy, explain to them the benefits of open adoption but that you control how much contact you have.  
  • Focusing on your goals – While in control of your adoption plan when working with experienced professionals, you can remain focused on goals such as completing your education. There are also options for birth mother scholarships.  
  • Receiving financial support – Your family might be worried about your ability to support yourself while pregnancy and placing a child for adoption. Let them know that when you work with the right agency, your medical expenses are covered, and you receive financial assistance for pregnancy-related living expenses.  

Those are just some of the many services you receive when you choose adoption. Helping your family understand the support you receive from experienced and trusted adoption professionals means you’re in good hands.  

You can get more information on explaining the many adoption services to unsupportive parents by filling out this form to connect with an adoption professional today.  

Step 2: Explain How Adoption Benefits Everyone Involved  

Most people, including your family, are likely unaware of how adoption changes the lives of everyone involved.  

They also might not understand that adoption doesn’t mean you place your child with a family, and they grow up never knowing who you are. Adoption is not the secret it was once thought to be.  

Even though parenting isn’t an option for you, choosing an adoptive family in an open adoption means you get to build a relationship with them and maintain a relationship with your child for years to come.  

At some point, open adoption can allow you the opportunity to explain your adoption decision to your child. This can help them better understand that your decision was based on love and the desire to give them the best chance at a life full of opportunity.  

Randi placed her child for adoption and cherishes the connection she still has.  

“Every picture, it brightens my day. There are two things I check every day, the blog and my Facebook,” Randi said. “When I see a random picture that she puts on there, it just makes me feel like she’s not forgetting about me, and keeping up with what she said she was going to do.”  

“I love still being able to have that connection with Juniper,” she added. “I get all jittery thinking about it because it’s going to blow my mind when she’s five and she starts talking, and I can actually talk to her and have a conversation with her.”  

Step 3: Talk about The Adoptive Family  

When your family doesn’t support your adoption decision and expresses disappointment that you didn’t choose a kinship adoption, talk to them about the amazing adoptive family you’ve chosen.  

Because you’re choosing adoption and are in complete control, you get to choose the perfect adoptive family. The best adoption agencies offer profiles of wonderful couples ready to give a child a loving and nurturing home.  

When you’ve found the right family for your child, talk openly about them with your family to help them see that your child will have a life full of opportunity.  

Some agencies even have unique video profiles of waiting adoptive families, which gives you the chance to show your parents exactly who the adoptive parents are, their interests and the environment they will provide your child.  

If your family doesn’t support your adoption decision, seeing the adoptive family’s profile and learning more about them may get them excited about your child’s future and feel better about your adoption decision.  

Remember, an adoption professional is ready to provide you with more helpful tips for talking to unsupportive parents. You can connect with one today by completing this online form.  

Step 4: Express Your Need for Their Support  

If your family doesn’t support your adoption decision, it’s important that you express to them how you need their support during this time.  

If they still don’t agree with their decision, remember that you are never alone in your adoption journey. Your professional is always in your corner and can give you additional resources for birth mother support.  

Step 5: It’s Still Your Decision  

Lastly, make it clear that this is your decision to make, and you are choosing adoption because you feel it’s the right decision for you and your baby.   

Unsupportive parents and family members may disagree with your decision, but they must respect that you are doing what you feel is best.  

Now, what about unsupportive friends?  

What to do When Friends Don’t Support Your Adoption Decision  

When it comes to unsupportive friends in adoption, deciding how much you want to talk about your adoption is the first crucial step.  

Like family members, your friends may not understand what adoption is. Ultimately, you get to decide how open you want to be with your group of friends about your adoption decision.  

Should you decide to tell your close friends about your adoption, educate them on what adoption is, why it’s the best decision for you and consider asking them to help you look at potential adoptive families.  

Often, involving your friends in certain aspects of the adoption process, like helping choose an adoptive family, can help them better understand how adoption is helping you create a better future.  

By explaining the benefits of adoption and talking about your decision, you can spread the positive message of adoption as a pregnancy option.  

You can get more helpful information and tips for talking to unsupportive friends about your adoption decision by filling out this online form to connect with an adoption professional.  

Additional Birth Mother Support and Resources  

If you’re thinking, “My parents are against me “giving up” my baby for adoption, what do I do?” you might also be faced with having been kicked out of the house or cut off from financial support.  

While challenging, don’t worry; there are resources and services available for birth mothers in your situation.  

Financial Support  

When placing your baby for adoption, you can receive crucial financial support when working with the right adoption agency.  

The best adoption agencies cover all medical costs and provide free legal representation. They also help you get financial assistance to cover pregnancy-related expenses such as:  

  • Rent  
  • Utilities  
  • Phone bills  
  • Food  
  • Transportation  
  • Maternity clothing  
  • And more  

The amount of financial assistance you receive is based on your state’s adoption laws, and your provided adoption attorney will help determine how much assistance you’re eligible to receive.  

You can get more information on adoption financial assistance by filling out this form to connect with an adoption professional today.  

If you’re concerned about housing during your adoption journey, your adoption professional will help you find a safe situation.  

You can also find a complete guide on housing options for pregnant women considering adoption by taking this link.  

Adoption Counseling  

Having an adoption counselor can serve as a much-needed support system throughout your adoption journey.  

When your parents are against your adoption decision and don’t have their emotional support, adoption counselors can help you cope with the many emotions of adoption.  

Here are just a few things that adoption social workers are known for:  

  • They can help you process your emotions: Almost every birth mother experiences complicated emotions, like doubt, grief and loss. That is why counseling for women “giving a baby up” for adoption is crucial. Your adoption counselor can help you walk you through these feelings to help you move forward healthily.  
  • They can help you make an adoption plan: At most adoption agencies, your assigned social worker or adoption specialist will be your guide through the adoption process. This means that they’ll be able to walk you through every important decision as you make an adoption plan that has everything you need.  
  • They can facilitate contact between yourself and the adoptive family: After finding the perfect adoptive family, you might be unsure of how to handle your first conversation or what to say. Your adoption specialist can be your point of contact during your first phone call and at any point after if you need help getting to know the adoptive family. Whether you’re looking for open or semi-open adoption, your adoption specialist can help you build the relationship you’re envisioning.  

When working with an adoption agency, your social worker not only helps you with each step of the adoption process, but they provide education and emotional support along the way.  

Even when your friends and family are unsupportive of your decision, your adoption professional is always in your corner.  

If you want to speak to an adoption counselor today, complete this form to connect with a trusted professional immediately.  

Adoption Support Groups  

Did you know that 45 percent of pregnancies in the United States are unplanned? Birth mothers like you seeking adoption for a child find comfort in connecting.  

When your parents don’t support your adoption decision, you can find support from other birth mothers experiencing unplanned pregnancies in places like:  

  • In-Person Support Groups – Local churches and women’s assistance programs offer in-person support groups to discuss unplanned pregnancy, fears, concerns and other important topics. A professional typically lead the discussion and provides expertise on your pregnancy options.  
  • Online Forums – One of the main benefits of discussing your adoption decision via online forums is anonymity. Many birth mothers struggle talking to strangers, and online forums make talking about your decision less confrontational.  

To learn more about online forums for adoption, fill out this form to connect with an adoption professional today.  

An Adoption Agency and Professional is Always in Your Corner  

We want you to know that even if your parents don’t agree with your adoption decision and your friends are unsupportive, your adoption professional is always here for you.  

You’re never alone in your journey, and the professional you work with will provide you with support, education and resources.   

You can connect with a trusted and experienced adoption professional today by completing our online form. You deserve to work with professionals who understand your situation and provide you with support throughout your amazing adoption journey.  

About the Author

Lindsay Arielle has been a proud birth mother since placing her son for adoption in 2011. Her post-placement agreement has always been an open adoption. She loves the time she gets to spend with her son and his parents during visits. Lindsay truly believes that for herself and her family, adoption has been a blessing, and she enjoys writing about spiritual healing for birth mothers.

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