The Emotional Challenges of Making an Adoption Plan
Is it hard to put baby up for adoption? How easy is it to put baby up for adoption? What are the challenges that I will face by choosing adoption? Will I ever be the same? Can healing be achieved if I choose adoption for my child? The simple answer: Putting your child up for adoption will be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, but it may also be the best decision you could ever make.
Who Am I?
My name is Lindsay Arielle. My son is 7 years old. I was a custodial mother for the first six months of my son’s life. Choosing adoption for my child was the hardest decision that I ever made. I felt like someone had split my soul in half, and I had never known a pain that great. However, I also knew at the time that adoption was the best decision that I could ever make for my child. I sit here today, typing this article, walking a path of healing, and holding no regret for the decision I made to put my son up for adoption.
In the Womb…
A woman carries her child in her own womb for nine months. Her dream pregnancy brings dreams of happiness, fulfillment, and the opportunity for an amazing life. Her mind fills with visions of firsts; first steps, first words, first day of school, first anything and everything. This child brings with it joy, encouragement and hope for the future.
However, there is another woman. A woman who also carries her child in her womb for nine months. The difference is that she faces uncertainty, fear, and pessimistic visions of a struggle for her future. Her pregnancy gives her a sense of doom; she is concerned about feeding, clothing, and safely sheltering her child. She faces pressure from family and peers to make certain decisions. She knows that she will never be able to maintain independence in her life as a mother.
What Does My Future Hold?
Both women share the common bond of pregnancy, but the pregnancy makes the future look entirely different for each woman. The woman who is excited about her future cannot fathom what it must be like to have a pregnancy that brings with it a sense of impending dread. When all is said and done, they can both agree on one thing: They will do whatever it takes to protect their children and make the best decisions for them that they are able to throughout their whole life.
A Second Chance
I was the woman who experienced a pregnancy filled with concern, fear, and uncertainty. I was alone for the most part throughout my pregnancy, and held on for six months as a mother before I finally made the right decision for my child and put him up for adoption. I knew almost nothing about adoption, but what I did know was that I had the chance to give my son everything I ever wanted for him by giving him different parents.
What is Adoption Really About?
The decision for adoption isn’t about rolling the dice on your child’s life and just hoping for the best. The decision for adoption is about mental fortitude and focus on giving your child the opportunities and life that a birth mother may not ever be able to offer that child. Choosing adoption is about loving a child so much that you are willing to experience your heart breaking and sacrifice a portion of your soul for your child. Choosing adoption is the most selfless, brave, and courageous choice that a struggling birth mother can make for her child.
How Easy is Adoption?
How hard is it to put a new born baby up for adoption? That depends on the person who is choosing adoption and what level of peace the woman is at with her decision. I found peace immediately when I finally made up my mind that adoption was the best decision for my child. I still had to experience grief, loss, and heartache throughout the process, but the peace in my decision itself was there. How easy is it to give up a child for adoption? It’s not. It’s just not easy.
Emotional challenges will be inevitable if the choice for adoption is made. There is literally no way around it. Even if a birth mother blocks out her emotions for a period, they will resurface and she will still be faced with the choice to deal with her pain or suffer silently and in denial of those emotions. The greatest emotional challenge will be experiencing the grief process. A woman will go through all stages of the grief process, in no specific order, and will always walk a path of healing.
You Will Always Love Your Child
There is no way to emotionally cut yourself off from the soul tie that binds you to your children. After all, they were in the womb for nine months. A woman’s body creates this child, and creating something means loving it forever. I have some encouraging words though: Healing is possible. In my opinion, healing is the right and responsibility of every birth mother. We all have a right to heal. The responsibility to heal lies with how we see ourselves and our children. For the children that we give birth to may need us one day, and if not, we at least owe ourselves the choice for happiness.
What Does the Grief Look Like?
If you are considering adoption, or want to learn more about what the emotional process looks like, please seek out education and support through the resources that are available to you. Adoption professionals will be your best source, as this is their area of expertise. An adoption counselor can discuss your situation with you, and help you to become aware of the challenges that you will face.
What Will Make Choosing Adoption Easier?
Another encouraging word I have is regarding the adoption process and finding your child’s new parents. How easy is the process for putting a new born baby up for adoption? Well, it depends on your situation, but with an adoption professional, the process is not as complicated as you may believe it is. Also, adoption professionals can connect you with families for you to interview before choosing adoption, so that you can be sure you place your child with the family they were meant for.
My son’s parents are truly a blessing in our lives. I have dedicated my second book to them, knowing that without them, my son and I would be lost. Once you find the family your child will become a part of, so much more peace will fill your heart. It’s the turning point in the process of choosing adoption. When you know that your child will be safe, it will give you the energy and resolve that you need to move forward in whatever you are facing.
I Know Adoption Is the Best Decision
Remember that if adoption is the best decision for you and your child, there is hope! You are not alone, and there are adoption professionals and other resources available to help you. Adoption is the greatest sacrifice that we can make for our children, and while it may be the hardest decision you ever make in your life, it may also be the best decision you ever make in your life!