Emotions of Adoption [How to Cope]

How it Feels to Go Through the Adoption Process  

Adoption is a heroic decision. But, many women who choose to place a baby for adoption face the emotions of adoption, which can be complex. However, with a strong support system and adoption resources from the right agency, you’re never alone in your journey.  

As you prepare for your adoption journey, it’s important to know that you can always speak with a trusted and experienced professional by completing this online contact form. We will connect you with a specialist who can help you cope with the emotions of giving a baby up for adoption and provide you with the support and resources you need.  

While every adoption journey is different, most women face challenging emotions during the adoption process.   

During your journey, it’s vital that you:  

  • Understand that the emotions of giving your child up for adoption are normal.  
  • Have a strong support system.  

Here, we will help you understand how your adoption decision creates a better future for everyone involved, how you are never alone in your journey and how thousands of amazing birth mothers like you experience the completely normal emotions of adoption.  

How it Feels to Give a Baby Up for Adoption: Grief and Loss   

Some of the most common emotions of giving your child up for adoption include grief and loss.  

Even though you know you’re making the right decision, feelings of guilt, loss and the grief associated with putting your child up for adoption are very common emotions of adoption.  

The emotions of adoption and the highs and lows you’ll experience can include:  

  • Relief  
  • Anger  
  • Grief  
  • Loss  
  • Fear  
  • Doubt  
  • And more  

The confusion of feeling fine one day, but the next day facing difficult emotions, is an up and down experience.  

“It’s very rough in the beginning, but it does get better,” Sara, a birth mother that placed her child for adoption, said about the emotions she experienced. “It takes you a while to realize that what you did was the best thing and, regardless of the situation that put you there, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your ultimate decision was to place him in a family that would love him unconditionally, love him like he was their biological child.”  

Again, the most important thing we want you to know is these difficult emotions are completely normal.  

Is it Wrong to Put My Baby Up for Adoption? 

Because of how challenging some of the emotions of adoption can be, many birth mothers ask themselves, “Is it wrong to put my baby up for adoption?”  

Adoption is never wrong if you feel like it’s the best decision for you and your baby. Ultimately, you are the only one that can make that choice and no one should ever pressure you or make you feel guilty for doing what you think is best.  

Here are some things you can do to help the healing process for how it feels to give a baby up for adoption.  

  • Remember why you chose adoption, and how it will create a better future 
  • Keep busy and focus on other things  
  • Focus on hobbies you enjoy and explore new ones  
  • Never forget to lean on family and friends  

While it may be difficult to avoid the emotions of adoption, having an open adoption allows you to always stay connected with your child.  

Coping With the Emotions of Adoption [Open Adoption]  

Open adoption is a way for you to remain connected with the adoptive parents and your child long after completing your adoption journey.  

That’s not to say you won’t ever experience the sometimes-difficult feelings of giving a baby up for adoption. Still, you have the opportunity to maintain a connection and get to know the family and your child for years to come.  

Commonly, birth mothers wonder if their children will hate them for choosing adoption.  

While that particular fear is understandable, open adoption allows you the chance to build a relationship with your child and, when appropriate, explain your adoption decision so that your child understands that your decision was made out of love and wanting what’s best for your child.  

Most birth mothers stay connected post-placement by utilizing:  

  • Letters  
  • Texts  
  • Phone calls  
  • Social media  
  • Video chats  
  • In-person meetings  

You can get more information on open adoption and how it can help you navigate complex emotions of adoption like grief and loss by reaching out to an adoption professional today.   

What about your support system for help with emotions during the adoption process?  

Building a Strong Support System to Help with the Emotions of Adoption  

Adoption is easier when you’re not alone. To help with understanding adoption and why it’s the unplanned pregnancy option that can benefit you and your baby, talk to a professional, as well as supportive family and friends. You can develop a support system of people that care about your wellbeing, and that’s a crucial step in your adoption journey.  

As Lindsay suggests, turning any negatives about your adoption decision into positives is a key conversation shift that can ensure you have the support you need during this time.  

“Friends and family may feel like you choosing adoption is taking something away from them. While it may seem selfish, they may feel that they are about to experience a great loss,” she said. “Focus the conversation on the gift that is being given to the child who is being placed for adoption. It is easy to look at the dark side of a big change, but try and focus on the bright side when explaining your adoption decision to others.”  

Indeed, adoption is about choosing a better life. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, and you are never “giving up” on your baby. In many cases, parenting isn’t an option. Instead of attempting to raise a child in an unsafe or unstable environment, you’re choosing to find an amazing adoptive family that can provide a life full of opportunity.  

Your conversations with friends and family should be about that. However, it’s also crucial that you share your emotions during the adoption process. Your family and friends play a vital role, but you have other support options as well.  

Your Adoption Professional  

When you choose adoption with the right agency, you are connected with an adoption professional that becomes another important support resource.  

Your adoption professional is always in your corner, and on top of guiding you through the steps of the adoption process, they are there to give you personal attention and help you through how it feels to give a baby up for adoption.  

Remember, you can connect with an adoption professional to get more information on coping with the emotions of adoption by filling out this online form.  

Unplanned Pregnancy Counselors   

Another source for getting help with the emotions of giving a baby up for adoption is an adoption and unplanned pregnancy counselor.   

These professionals are there to listen, help you discuss your pregnancy options, and review the many benefits of adoption so that you can determine which decision is right for you.  

Adoption counselors can also provide you with helpful tips and resources to address the emotions during the adoption process.  

Did you know many of the best adoption agencies offer free adoption counseling and 24/7 access to an adoption professional?  

You can get more information on adoption counselors and other essential support services for coping with the emotions of adoption by filling out this contact form.   

Remember, your decision to find the perfect adoptive family is never “giving up” on your baby. It’s a heroic decision to create a better future for everyone involved.

About the Author

Lindsay Arielle has been a proud birth mother since placing her son for adoption in 2011. Her post-placement agreement has always been an open adoption. She loves the time she gets to spend with her son and his parents during visits. Lindsay truly believes that for herself and her family, adoption has been a blessing, and she enjoys writing about spiritual healing for birth mothers.

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