A Loving and Honest Approach to a Difficult Conversation
How to Help Your Child Understand Your Loving Decision
Learning how to explain adoption to your other children is never easy, but with our guide, you’ll know exactly how to approach it.
When you’re pregnant and want to give your baby up for adoption, we’ve listed five tips on how to start this conversation with your children. If you’re ready to start talking about adoption with an agency, then you can get free information now from an experienced adoption professional.
💙 Talking about adoption with your children is tough—but you don’t have to do it alone. Get personalized guidance today. 💙
Preparing for the Conversation
Before talking to your children, take time to process your emotions. Children can sense when something is wrong, and approaching the conversation with a calm and reassuring tone will help them feel secure.
- Seek support from a counselor, adoption specialist, or support group if you need guidance.
- Reflect on your reasons for choosing adoption and how to explain them in a way your child can understand.
- Prepare answers for common questions they may ask.
5 Key Steps to Talking to Your Child About Adoption
1. Your Child Deserves the Truth—Here’s How to Share It with Love
Honesty is the foundation of trust. Share your decision with clarity and compassion, emphasizing that this choice was made out of love and consideration for everyone involved.
Example: “This is a difficult decision, but I want what’s best for the baby. Adoption means they will have a loving family who can care for them the way they need.”
Many children can sense change, and it can make them feel uneasy. Transparency will help ease some of their stress. Being upfront early can help your child cope with their feelings.
💡 Looking for ways to have this conversation with confidence? Get expert advice today.
2. The Right Words Make All the Difference—Here’s What to Say
Children process information differently, so tailor your explanation to their developmental level. Younger children may need a simplified explanation, while older children may have more complex questions.
Example for Young Children: “The baby is going to live with another family who will take care of them.”
Example for Older Children: “I love this baby, and I want them to have the best life possible. This family will give them everything they need.”
Using age-appropriate language can ensure your child is prepared for the adoption process and the emotions that come with it.
3. It’s Okay to Be Emotional—Just Stay Reassuring
It’s okay to express emotions but remain reassuring. Your child may feel sad, confused, or even guilty. Let them know that it’s okay to have big feelings, and show them that you are confident in your decision.
Example: “I feel sad sometimes, too, but I know this is the best choice. It’s okay to feel however you feel.”
4. What If They’re Upset? How to Listen, Comfort, and Guide Them
Encourage open dialogue. Your child might feel sad, confused, or even angry. Give them space to express their feelings and answer their questions honestly.
Common Questions Children Might Ask:
- “Will I ever see the baby again?” → Explain whether it’s an open or closed adoption and what that means.
- “Did I do something wrong?” → Reassure them that this decision has nothing to do with them.
- “Do you still love me?” → Emphasize that your love for them hasn’t changed.
Your adoption will impact on your child regardless of how old they are. It’s important to let them know that you will always be there for them to help them cope with any emotions they’re feeling.
5. No Matter What, They Are Still Loved and Secure
Children need to feel safe and secure. Reassure them that they are loved and that your decision does not change your relationship with them.
Example: “I will always be your mom, and you are so important to me. This decision doesn’t change that.”
It can be difficult to discuss your decision with them when you’re pregnant and want to give your baby up for adoption. Assure your children that you love them and the baby you’re placing, too.
💞 Your love for your children never changes. Need reassurance? Talk to a professional today.
How to Tailor the Conversation by Age
Children process information differently based on their age and maturity level. Here’s how you can adjust your explanation to help them understand adoption in a way that makes sense to them.
Toddlers & Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)
- Use simple, loving language: “Mommy is having a baby, but another family will take care of them.”
- Reassure them of your love and routine stability.
- Read children’s books about adoption to introduce the concept.
School-Aged Children (Ages 6-12)
- Be honest, but keep it simple: “Sometimes families make decisions to help their children have the best life possible. A loving family is going to take care of the baby.”
- Encourage questions and validate their emotions.
- Offer examples of adoption in movies or books to normalize the experience.
Teenagers (Ages 13+)
- Expect deeper questions and emotional reactions.
- Be open about your reasons and provide space for them to express their feelings.
- Address concerns about how this may change family dynamics.
Books, Counseling, and Support to Help Your Family Navigate Adoption
If your child needs additional support, these resources may help:
- Children’s Books About Adoption:
- Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
- The Mulberry Bird by Anne Braff Brodzinsky
- Support Groups for Birth Mothers & Siblings
- Adoption Counselors & Family Therapists
- Educational Videos on Adoption Stories
Adoption Is a Journey—Keep the Dialogue Open and Loving
Adoption is a lifelong journey. Keep communication open as your child processes this change over time. Use books, movies, and personal discussions to reinforce a positive understanding of adoption.
Other tips for keeping ongoing dialogue:
- Keep communication open with your child—encourage them to share their feelings.
- Incorporate adoption into everyday conversations through books and movies.
- While no story will perfectly mirror your journey, these resources help explain adoption in an age-appropriate way.
- As your child grows, gradually provide more details about your loving and selfless choice.
- If they don’t fully understand now, they will over time.
If you have any questions or need support, we are here and ready to provide guidance. Get free information today.
