Getting to Know the Adoptive Family

Meeting the prospective adoptive family for the first time is an exciting and nervous moment. To start things off on a good foot, there are many questions to ask adoptive parents to get to know them better and begin building a lifelong relationship.

Good questions to ask adoptive parents can be about you, interests and hobbies, and even details about the adoptive family. You may be surprised at what you and the adoptive family have in common, even after just meeting each other for the first time.

To get more information on what questions to ask an adoptive family during your first meeting, contact us online. We will connect you with adoption professionals can help you understand the importance of pre-placement contact and post-placement relationships.

Good Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents

As you prepare for your first meeting with the adoptive parents you’ve chosen, start with asking light, open-ended introductory questions can help you get to know them better.

The adoptive profile you’ve read and reviewed will likely give you a good idea about them already. This meeting is more of a time to get a better feel for their lifestyle, personality, and even style of parenting up close.

Some open-ended questions to ask the prospective adoptive parents during your initial meeting can include:

  • How did you and your spouse meet?
  • What are some of your favorite movies/books?
  • What do you like to do in the summertime?
  • What’s your favorite thing about your neighborhood?
  • Do you have any pets?
  • What do you do for work? Do you like your job?
  • What are your values and your beliefs? Are you religious?
  • What holidays do you celebrate?
  • What type of ongoing relationship are you looking to have with a birth mother?
  • What is the most exciting thing about being a parent for you?
  • And more

There are so many questions to ask adoptive parents when you initially meet. If you’re worried about asking the wrong things, talk with your adoption specialist. They can help guide you through coming up with good questions to ask an adoptive family.

After the first meeting, you can always say if you don’t feel the prospective adoptive parents are the right fit. But, if you do feel they are the right fit, this could be the start to a wonderful relationship.

Remember, this is your decision, so just be yourself.

Ways to Build a Lasting Relationship

A good relationship is built on communication and respect for one another, including the relationship you’re trying to build with the adoptive family.

When you go to meet couples that want to adopt, it may not be the most comfortable thing at first. They’re also likely feeling the same way, so a great way to navigate any possible issues is to make sure you’re being sensitive and considerate to each other.

Some ways you can do that are:

  • Share things about yourself
  • Be considerate of their situation
  • Ask casual questions
  • Discuss your hobbies/interests
  • Establish initial boundaries until you feel more comfortable
  • Share fun stories about you
  • And more

You can also choose to continue communication and contact with the adoptive family pre-placement, even after just the first meeting. Birth mothers who ask lots of interview questions for adoption parents in the first meeting to be helpful in feeling more comfortable with the family, and will often continue some regular contact.

This contact can include:

  • Visits
  • Emails
  • Phone calls
  • Video chats
  • And more

There isn’t any pressure to continue contact after the first meeting if you don’t want to. Talking with your adoption professional afterwards can help you determine a good course of action after the first initial meeting to decide what is best for you.

Remember, these people are not just the prospective parents of your child, and they’re more than just someone on a piece of paper. You may find that they have the same hopes, desires, and fears as you. Even more, they share your love for your child.

Take this time to simply enjoy getting to know them and make the most out of those moments. There are many open-ended questions to ask adoptive parents that can get conversation flowing. You can’t have a solid, lasting relationship until you build a good foundation.

Continue Your Post-Adoption Communication [Maintaining an Open or Semi-Open Adoption]

Now that the adoption is completed, what happens next with your relationship with the adoptive family?

Through meeting and working through your questions to ask adoptive parents, you may agree to an open adoption, This type of adoption allows you to continue building your relationship to stay connected with both the adoptive family and your child. The type of contact you choose to have in your open adoption is decided upon between you and the adoptive family.

Common types of open adoption communication post-placement include:

  • Letters
  • Photos
  • Emails
  • Phone calls
  • In-person visits
  • And more

If maintaining constant communication seems difficult for you, you can choose a semi-open adoption that involves your adoption specialist mediating all communication between you and the adoptive family.

As with any relationship, the dynamic can change or be adjusted. Just remember, your communication with the adoptive family is entirely up to you. You’re still processing and finding ways to be able to move forward. If you think of more questions to ask the adoptive family after placement, you can work with your adoption specialist to find good ways of doing so.

Get Help Building Your Relationship with the Adoptive Parents

Regardless of how open you are in the adoption, it’s important that you set healthy relationship boundaries with the adoptive parents from the beginning. Having boundaries set early on will help you to maintain them throughout your continued relationship.

To learn more about meeting with the prospective adoptive family and knowing good questions to ask adoptive parents when you first meet, contact us online today. Adoption professionals are equipped to help you start your adoption relationship with healthy boundaries and respect.

About the Author

Lindsay Arielle has been a proud birth mother since placing her son for adoption in 2011. Her post-placement agreement has always been an open adoption. She loves the time she gets to spend with her son and his parents during visits. Lindsay truly believes that for herself and her family, adoption has been a blessing, and she enjoys writing about spiritual healing for birth mothers.

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