How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About Unplanned Pregnancy

Whether you’re married or just dating, figuring out how to tell the father about an unplanned pregnancy can be nerve-wracking.   

An unplanned pregnancy can feel like the end of the road. You’re likely experiencing a range of emotions, and that’s okay. Let yourself feel these emotions in their entirety. Once you’ve begun processing them, you can start figuring out the best path forward. 

One of the first steps you should take is telling your husband about your unplanned pregnancy. Every relationship dynamic is different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this conversation.  

If you’re not sure how to tell your partner about the unplanned pregnancy, continue reading below, or reach out to an adoption professional today to get the guidance you need. 

How to Tell the Father About an Unplanned Pregnancy [3 Steps]

While an unplanned pregnancy was the last thing you expected, you’re not alone. Roughly half of all pregnancies in the U.S. each year are unplanned. So, what do you do first? 

First, you should be absolutely sure that you are pregnant. You should wait on telling your boyfriend about the unplanned pregnancy until your pregnancy has been confirmed. Even if you’re at-home pregnancy test is positive, it may be good to check with a medical professional just to be sure. 

Once you have verified your pregnancy, you can begin coming up with a game plan on how to tell your husband about your unplanned pregnancy or how to tell your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy. As you know, this news can be a lot to digest and difficult to process. It’s important that you approach this conversation with a plan. When telling the father about the unplanned pregnancy, you should: 

1. Be Open and Honest 

When you have this conversation, this isn’t a topic you want to dance around. It may be difficult to get the words out, but it’s important that you’re as direct as possible when delivering the news. 

2. Choose the Right Time and Place 

While you should tell your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy as soon as possible, it’s important that you pick an appropriate time and place to do so. This is a conversation you’ll want to have in private.  

If possible, you should avoid breaking the news over text.  Choose a private and safe environment where you will be able to think clearly and have an in-depth conversation. If you have concerns about a guy’s reaction to the unplanned pregnancy, you can have a friend or family member nearby. 

3.  Allow Him to Process the News 

When telling him about the unplanned pregnancy, keep in mind that you’ve had a head start on processing this information. He’s taking it all in for the first time and may need some space to sit with these emotions.  

He may be angry, confused, scared or maybe even happy.  If your boyfriend or husband is not happy about the unplanned pregnancy, he may just need some time to process his emotions. However, if you anticipate him reacting violently, reach out to a counselor first. 

How Do Men React to Unplanned Pregnancy? 

Telling the father about unplanned pregnancy about your unplanned pregnancy can be intimidating, especially if you’re not sure what kind of reaction to expect. Of course, everyone’s different so not every prospective birth father’s reaction is the same. His reaction will depend on the circumstances and his own personal perspective.  

Some reactions you can expect are: 

  • Shock and/or confusion. When telling your husband about the unplanned pregnancy, you can expect a shocked reaction, just as you likely felt. Be sure to give him some time to process the information so that the initial shock can subside. 
  • Fear. Since this pregnancy is unexpected, there’s likely no plan in place. It’s normal for him to express feelings of fear. Especially if one or both of you are not in a place where raising a child or adding another child to your family is feasible. This is overwhelming news, and not knowing where to turn can be scary. Let him know that you’re there for him and you will get through this together. 
  • Anger. Consider how you felt when you first learned of the unplanned pregnancy. You might have felt disappointed, frustrated or even angry. When telling him about the unplanned pregnancy, the father might not be happy. He might get caught up in thoughts of him not being able to pursue his goals, advance in his career, pursue his goals, etc. Give him some space to process his emotions. He may just need some time to get back to a clear headspace before he can begin considering the options available to both of you. 
  • Happiness. If you already have kids or eventually had plans to start a family, he may be excited at the news. If he’s ready to support you and you feel ready to parent, this is the best-case scenario! However, if you don’t feel ready or don’t’ want to parent, a happy reaction may be complicated to deal with. Just remember to take it one day at a time and communicate your thoughts and feeling clearly. 

To get more guidance on how to talk to your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy, contact an adoption professional today.

About the Author

Lindsay Arielle has been a proud birth mother since placing her son for adoption in 2011. Her post-placement agreement has always been an open adoption. She loves the time she gets to spend with her son and his parents during visits. Lindsay truly believes that for herself and her family, adoption has been a blessing, and she enjoys writing about spiritual healing for birth mothers.

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