Supporting Your Teen Girlfriend is the Most Important Thing You can Do
If you recently found out that your teen girlfriend is pregnant, you’re most likely feeling many emotions. It’s normal to feel scared, overwhelmed, sad, and frustrated – you never wanted to get your girlfriend pregnant.
But, now that you know she is pregnant, it’s time to figure out what to do and for you to offer your support.
Although you never thought you’d be saying to yourself, “my teenager girlfriend is pregnant,” you and your girlfriend are now facing this all too real reality.
And although you are going to be impacted by your girlfriend’s pregnancy, it’s important to remember that she is the one that has 100% control of this situation because she’s carrying your child.
That’s why you need to offer her your unwavering support while she makes her unplanned pregnancy decision and after her unplanned pregnancy plan is in place.
Once you find out your teen girlfriend is pregnant, you can offer her helpful support in a few ways. Some essential things you can do to help your pregnant girlfriend include:
- Staying calm
- Not making her pregnancy about you
- Asking her how she’s feeling
- Understanding your options
- Creating a plan together
- Giving her the support she asks for
- Learning from the experience
If you and your girlfriend need some unbiased unplanned pregnancy advice, you can call us today to talk to a counselor for free. But, if you want to have a better idea of what you can do to help your girlfriend before you speak to a professional, keep reading.
1. Staying Calm
If you’re thinking, “my teenager girlfriend is pregnant, what can I do right now,” the answer is to stay calm.
Although staying calm may feel impossible, you and your girlfriend must remain calm as you begin to talk about the situation.
Yelling at each other or blaming each other will not help either of you and will make creating an unplanned pregnancy plan more challenging.
Although both of your lives are affected by this unplanned pregnancy, it’s important to remember that she’s the person who is pregnant. Her body is changing, and she’s most likely scared. Your teen girlfriend needs your support, not your criticism.
If you’re struggling to stay calm, consider the following to help keep the situation in perspective:
- Work as a team: Although there may be many other people in your life telling you and your girlfriend what to do right now, you and she are the only people who have opinions that matter. You and your girlfriend should approach each conversation you have as a team, and remember that you both are on the same side.
- If you got mad, apologize: Any person would be thrown off upon hearing that their partner is unexpectedly pregnant. So, if you got in a fight after fully realizing, “my teenager girlfriend is pregnant,” calmly approach your girlfriend and apologize. After apologizing, you both can prepare to have a calm conversation about handling the pregnancy.
2. Not Making Her Pregnancy About You
It’s natural to start to think about how your teenage girlfriend’s pregnancy will affect your life and plans. If you dominate the conversation by talking about how the pregnancy will affect you, your girlfriend will feel alienated. So although you may be thinking, “my teenager girlfriend is pregnant, now I’m going to have to quit school and work full-time,” try to remember your girlfriend is thinking these things, too.
Although no one expects you to stay silent and not talk to anyone about how you’re feeling, try to remember that your girlfriend needs you to hear her concerns, too. After all, she’s the person who is carrying the baby.
Each time you and your girlfriend discuss the pregnancy, try to remember that you are both in this together. And the most effective way to get through this time is as a team.
3. Asking Her How She Feels
If you’re thinking, “I just found out my teenager girlfriend is pregnant; how do I talk to her about it,” one of the simplest ways to get talking is to ask: How are you feeling?
This simple question can open up the conversation and help you both in various ways, including:
Asking Your Girlfriend how She Feels Helps You:
- Better understand how your girlfriend feels: By letting your girlfriend talk uninterrupted, you can better understand her unplanned pregnancy concerns. You also can find out how the pregnancy is physically affecting her body and daily life.
- Get an idea of what she wants to do with the pregnancy: By now, your girlfriend may have an idea of how she wants to handle the unplanned pregnancy. Make sure you listen to her without interrupting so she can express why she thinks her choice is best for her situation.
Asking Your Girlfriend how She Feels Helps Her:
- Feel supported: Your girlfriend needs all the support she can get right now. Allowing her to talk enables her to get all her feelings out.
4. Understanding Your Options
Although your girlfriend is the one who is ultimately in control of her unplanned pregnancy, you also can express your unplanned pregnancy preferences.
If you’re trying to get a better idea of what your unplanned pregnancy options are before you talk to your girlfriend, consider your three unplanned pregnancy choices:
My Teenager Girlfriend is Pregnant, and I’m Considering Parenting:
- Can you afford to become a parent? Are you prepared to quit school and find a job that can help support your family?
- Are you prepared to change your plans to raise your child?
- Are you going to co-parent your child with your girlfriend? Do you plan on moving in together as a couple, or are you going to arrange another type of co-parenting agreement?
- Are you ready to take on extra work (like taking parenting classes) to prepare to raise a child?
My Teenager Girlfriend is Pregnant, and I’m Considering Abortion:
- Will you help your girlfriend pay for the abortion?
- Have you and your girlfriend discussed all aspects of abortion, and is she 100% certain that abortion is her preferred choice?
- Do you and your girlfriend know the abortion laws and regulations in your state?
- Do you plan on supporting your girlfriend through abortion? Will you drive her to her appointments? Stay at the clinic while she has the procedure?
My Teenager Girlfriend is Pregnant, and I’m Considering Adoption:
- Do you know how adoption works?
- Are you prepared to sign away your parental rights to your child?
- Do you want to help your girlfriend through the process? How involved do you want to be? Do you want to help her: choose the adoptive family, have a relationship with your kid as they grow up, support your girlfriend throughout her pregnancy, etc.?
- Are you prepared to work with an adoption counselor and give honest answers about your social and medical history?
5. Creating a Plan Together
Now that you’ve thought about your unplanned pregnancy options and have mentally prepared to listen to your girlfriend’s needs, it’s time to consider the unplanned pregnancy plan you both will make.
The following are just a few questions to consider while you and your girlfriend make your unplanned pregnancy plan:
- Where do you see yourself in five years? Will raising a child cause you to change those plans?
- Do you both plan on staying together? Are you prepared to create an alternative co-parenting plan if you break up?
- What were both of your gut reactions upon finding out about the unplanned pregnancy? Does either of you feel like your gut reaction will change?
- How can you help each other through this process and make an unplanned pregnancy decision?
It’s important to answer these questions together to determine what you both want and don’t want.
But remember: Your girlfriend is the one who will ultimately make the unplanned pregnancy decision because she’s the person who is pregnant.
So, even if you disagree with your girlfriend’s choice, you need to support her.
6. Giving Her the Support She Asks for
Once your girlfriend makes her decision, it’s time to go from expressing your opinions to supporting your girlfriend. Whatever her decision – abortion, adoption, or parenting – it’s essential that you support her and not try to change her mind.
In addition to supporting your girlfriend’s decision, you should clarify that you will help her. You can help your teen girlfriend in various ways, including:
- You could take her to doctor appointments
- You could help her pick the baby’s adoptive family
- If she decides to parent your baby, be open to co-parent
Although you may feel frustrated that your unplanned pregnancy choice was not the same as your girlfriend’s decision, you need to maintain your support.
7. Learning From the Experience
Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t continue to blame yourself for accidentally getting your girlfriend pregnant. But, it is important to learn from your mistakes, so you don’t repeat them.
In the future, make sure you have safer sex and always use protection if you engage in sex without the intent of getting your partner pregnant.
Also, consider what this experience taught you. For example, you may now know that parenting is not part of your life plan, or now you know you want to become a dad someday.
Whatever you and your girlfriend decide to do, the most important thing to remember is that you are here to support her and learn from your experience. Learning that you can calmly handle a situation like this can teach you a lot about yourself and help you visualize the future you want.